Corporate Christmas Candy

A couple of days ago, while I was at work–upper management–or The Suits, as we call them, came to hand out Christmas candy. I was cutting fruit when the first bigwig came around with his bag o’ candy, “Hey there, didn’t think you could hide back here, did ya?” So, I played along, it’s the awkward holiday dance, but it must be done, and he says, “Merry Christmas, here’s some candy, and thank you for all your had work!” Then he’s on the next guy. A few minutes later another strolls around the corner with a makeshift, potbellied, Santa costume. He looks right into my eyes and says, “Thank you, so much, for your hard work.” It was one of the most sincere sounding things ever said to me, seriously, my wife doesn’t look at me as doe-eyed as this guy did. The last guy, I could tell: he didn’t give a shit, and he didn’t even offer me candy. So why am I writing about this boring corporate Christmas candy? Because, I know–you, management, proposed to cut everyone’s health benefits in Portland. So you can take your fucking candy, and shove it. You know what would make my corporate Christmas really great? Leave my Healthcare alone. Leave my pay alone, and leave me alone too. Let me do my menial work in peace. Merry Christmas.

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