Some people spend their time teaching kids how to read, or feeding the poor and hungry. Today I wasted 73 minutes watching the horror movie: 1313 Cougar Cult–hoping for some hot cougar action, obviously–but I was utterly let down. Cinemax wouldn’t even try to pedal this shit at 3AM, but it is on Netflix.
It’s not even a movie so much as it is a series of reused scenes, or stock footage of middle-age women walking around a mansion, and stereotypical college guys rubbing their chest and stomach in a shower. At times the scantily clad women pause to chant some demonic spell that’s supposed to do something–the movie doesn’t really go into it.
There is one redeeming factor in that It’s a great laugh at the end of those “demonic” scenes to watch these women’s faces turn into animated cougar faces with glowing green eyes. I think the most dialog in the whole thing occurred during those scenes, bonus: it’s in a lame demon voice.
All in all if you cut out the hour of blonde guys showering, and three women walking around together, you’d have a decent, 5 minute, silent film. It would have been time better spent sleeping than watching that tragedy. It’s not ironic, it’s not porn, it’s just terrible–don’t make my mistake–don’t wait for this one to get better.