First Customer

Today as I was hunched over a cooler-well scanning fruit cups when a customer with a scraggly beard and grey, greasy, shoulder length hair; surrounding his spotted, bald, head, approached me and said, “Hey, you buyin’ this shit, er do you work here?”

” I work here.” I said, brushing off my name tag. “What can I help you with?”

“One of your fruit cups made me sick!” he blasted, while rummaging through the fruit cups, for what would probably be his breakfast.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah, it was the fruit cup I bought, I know cause of the processes of elimination, I narrowed it down–that’s the only thing it could have been.”

“Well sir, I don’t know what to say. That’s very strange, as we have the highest standards for procedure and cleanliness.” That’s not bullshit, by the way, I wasn’t just blowing air up the guy’s ass. I went on, “We wear gloves, and we’re very cautiousness.” Yada yada.

“Hey now,” he said, “I’m not trying to get unfriendly, just wanted to tell you. Cause I double tested it. And it made me sick.”

“Look, I’m very sorry.” I said. I’m not qualified to handle this bullshit, and I don’t really care because I know he’s full of shit, but I can’t say that, so I said, “If you want to pursue a claim, or file something, you need to go to customer service and have them take care of this issue for you.”

“Oh no, no it’s not like that. I just wanted to tell you. Cause knowledge is power, you know?”

First customer of the day at 7AM.


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