Here’s to another year of:
- Hour cuts.
- Cloths unraveling into spools of thread.
- Twice the Advil, half the condoms.
- Republicans: “Rights are for white men.”
- Sleepless, drugless nights.
- Earth reaching a delectable medium-rare.
- Fully cooked, fortified, and frozen microwavable sustenance.
- Terrorists: “Kill and rape, god says so.”
- CIA: “Maybe it’s evil, but it’s not illegal.”
- Lame advertising.
- Low water pressure.
- Overpriced education.
- News: “Black crime is committed by thugs, white crime by the misguided.”
- Nostalgic reruns.
- White lies.
- Awkward good-byes.
Drink up, and enjoy the new year.